You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
