The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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