Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
