a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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