I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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