we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
