I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
