i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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