Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
