is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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