Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
