for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
