i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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