how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
