I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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