A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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