You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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