Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
