Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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