Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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