i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
