You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
