I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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