so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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