So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
