I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
did you just send me my own nude
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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