I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
