I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
