Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
