Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
