I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
