Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
