She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
