Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
