Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you inspire me to be a worse person
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
