hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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