Define "chronic" masturbator.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
