people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
