Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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