I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
