He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
