thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
