so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
