I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
