He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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