You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
