There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
