i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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