she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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