YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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