mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
it's like iHOP with fire
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
