I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
