lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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