Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize