Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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