i jhust puked up my retainher.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Boobs are out for the taking
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
