my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize