the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize