dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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