Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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