i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You took a bar mat shot.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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