I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
