the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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