Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
