dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize