Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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