I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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