Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i think i have herpe
just one?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
