Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize