Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
