We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize