im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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