You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
