Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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