I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just googled if crying burns calories
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
