You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
