even my farts smell like vagina
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
