i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
