My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
