You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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