How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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