my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
